Do not try this at home. (I didn’t). Or else get lots of rest first. All times calibrated to PST (UTC-8); your results may vary.

It rotates.
Wake up @ 2:50 am or so. Brush teeth.
3 am – Drink a Steinlager. Because it’s from New Zealand (UTC+13).
4 am – Sip an “orange phosphate”, to honor the phosphate mining that has devastated the environment of Nauru (UTC+12). And yes, I know it’s impossible to get phosphoric acid anymore; so have an orange Fanta instead.
5 am – Enjoy a Toohey’s New. And sing Waltzing Matilda (UTC+11).
6 am – Snack on plantain chips, (sliced and fried in oil) and think of Guam (UTC+10).
7 am – Eat a rice ball (preferably with smoked salmon) and have some cold green tea. My Japanese breakfast (UTC+9).
8 am – Haul my happy self down to Chinatown, for dim sum, or whatever else I can find that early in the morning (UTC+8).
9 am – Singha Beer. Because it’s Thailand time (UTC+7).
10 am – Fire up the movie Travellers and Magicians. To dream of Bhutan (UTC+6).
noon – Watch a replay of the 2009 Fifa Club World Cup final, held in Abu Dhabi (UTC+4). Fast forward, as there are only three goals.
1 pm – Sit down at Axum Cafe, an Ethiopian restaurant (UTC+3) in the Lower Haight. Appetizers only.
2 pm –Grab a bottle of Ouzo at a nearby liquor store and take a few sips of this Greek (UTC+2) beverage. Stagger toward Hayes Valley.
3 pm – Snack on some macaroons (pardon moi, “macarons”) from Paulette. Wash them down with a Belgian beer from Frijtz (UTC+1).
4 pm – Back down to Haight Street, for a Guinness or a Murphy’s or whatever the hell they’re serving at Danny Coyle’s Irish Pub (UTC+0). Sláinte!
And some fish and chips, since we’re not in a hurry. And they’re English.
5 pm – Think of the Azores. Walk down Haight Street.
6 pm – Grab dinner at Espetus Churrascaria Brazilian (UTC–2) Steak House, at the corner of Haight and Market Streets. Brad can recommend.
7 pm – Keep eating. It’s still midnight in Brazil.
8 pm – Raise a glass of Canadian whiskey, in honor of the maritime provinces (UTC–4).
9 pm – Troy would insist on a Manhattan (UTC–5). I couldn’t refuse at this point.
10 pm – Heat up some Little Star leftovers. That’s Chicago-style (UTC–6) pizza in case you’re interested.
11 pm – Sopaipillas at NOPA, in honor of New Mexico (UTC–7). Or something from Green Chile Kitchen. I can’t decide. What time is it?
midnight – Happy New Year! Champagne, or perhaps French 75’s, made with simple syrup, lemon juice, and two California (UTC–8) products: Junipero Gin and Iron Horse sparkling wine.
1 am – Stand outside, and enjoy the cold. It’s colder in Alaska (UTC–9).
2 am – I’ve been saving that Spam musubi all day. It tastes sooooo good right now (UTC–10). With a Primo beer.
Collapse on the sofa, or the nearest soft place. Sleep.
Recent Comments